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A Story of burnout & Crash Into depression

18/2/2020

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I found a copy of an award-winning essay when I was looking amongst my paper documents. I thought it had been deleted forever. I wrote it when I was struggling with chronic physical and psychological pain. My diagnoses at the time were treatment resistant major depressive disorder, generalised anxiety disorder, fibromyalgia. Later changed to bipolar disorder (type 1), post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder, coeliac disease (after this essay). Plus various other health conditions.

I won third prize in an Australasian essay writing competition by The Black Dog Institute in 2008. My first and only trip to Sydney. I destroyed the trophy during a mania episode as I was disappointed getting third prize plus it had my former name on it. I had changed my name to Xanthe Wyse after more trauma.  

Today, I was merchandising toys and stopped to stare for several seconds at a new shiny Thomas the Tank engine anniversary toy. My son was obsessed with Thomas when he was little. The metaphor in the essay was partly inspired by his love of trains. I have typed the essay below and also linked a video of me reading it out.

I wrote about burnout and a breakdown as a metaphor so no-one could be sure it was about me. Then I chose Xanthe Wyse as a blogging name (blogs deleted after making it my legal name). Xanthe was the start of me having a voice. Now, 12 years later, I've nearly finished my first novel, Pet Purpose.

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    Picture

    Xanthe Wyse

    I am no longer blogging or vlogging as a mental health and disability advocate. The politics of it is too toxic for me.

    I will blog occasionally about some of my interests (art, writing etc) beyond advocacy on my other blog at Soar Purpose. 

    See you there!

    No. 1 bad-ass.
    After all, my medical records say 'BAD1' for bipolar affective disorder type 1.

    Also diagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

    Clinically significant autism spectrum features since childhood (PDD-NOS).

    Creative. Like to paint and write. Self-published a few books based on personal experiences.
    ​
    Comments are welcome but no personal attacks nor attacks on others.

    Opinions and personal experiences are no substitute for independent professional advice.

    Image is fan art from when I was a bipolar warrior and a renegade fighter.

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  • Home
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