The lyrics 'I get knocked down but I get up again' from the song Tubthumbing by Chumbawamba came to mind after I watched back a video I recorded in 2017 when I was struggling. At that time, my psychiatrist said, 'I'm doing my best to keep you alive right now'.
It was rough. Rapid cycling from mania then crashing into depression. I was unable to drive, unable to prepare a basic meal, unable to work at all. Now I can drive when I am up to it on quieter roads, can work around 8 hours per week, can usually prepare basic meals.
Recently, in a hypomania episode, I prepared a bipolar mania perspectives resource. The reason I call it that, is because I found had records from several different perspectives of a mania episode. Including speaking on camera, writing at the time, psychiatrist notes, artworks, making sense of it later with writing.
The resource can be downloaded as a pdf, below. It will be best viewed on a laptop as a digital file (not printed). My attempt to convert to EPub format didn't work out (images did weird things), so I have copied and pasted the content into this blog post, for a flow on version for those with smaller mobile devices.
I started this blog with a blog post about depression, when I was feeling depressed. Recently, I've been in a hypomania episode and getting some things done for a change. Hypomania is elevated mood that isn't as intense as mania.
With the surge of energy, I made a resource on mania, using records in different formats to show aspects of what it's like. Decided to do this after going through some digital files and I found a mania video from 2017 that I didn't think I'd uploaded yet (but have now, as the final video for Bipolar Courage, even though it's a bit cringe, and an online friend said 'scary' to see me that disinhibited and the opposite of how I usually am).
I am no longer blogging or vlogging as a mental health and disability advocate. The politics of it is too toxic for me.