Attitudes about suicidal ideation

Content warning: The content of this post may be triggering for some.

I have been the target of a very aggressive cyberbullying campaign that has gone on for over two years, escalating recently when I called out some of the behaviour. It is over identity politics. These are only a few screenshots of accounts on Twitter who lied about me and harrassed me and called me the abuser, when they were abusing. I was tagged labels such as 'bigot' and 'transphobic' for more bullies to attack.

When my account was locked, I admitted to my followers that I had severe suicidal ideation. I have experienced this many times. I am diagnosed bioplar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder - all activated with the recent cyberbulling campaign. My admission of suicidal ideation was leaked and mocked by accounts I had blocked who were lying and gossiping about me.

What it boiled down to, is that accounts claiming to be 'actually autistic' were mad at me because I no longer call myself autistic. One of the reasons I don't, is because I don't want to be associated with the fraudtistics and bullies.

[Update: I still won't call myself 'autistic', after a psychiatrist has since formally diagnosed me with pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified, PDD-NOS, with clinically significant autism spectrum features since childhood (including mutism). PDD-NOS is still a current diagnosis in New Zealand.]

Four accounts (including some of the above) also left malicious fake reviews on my memoir. Amazon has removed one so far. I have been called lots of names and lied about again and again. I was admitted to hospital for tests for suspected heart attack from the cyberbullying after being referred to the crisis team. Doctors said it was PTSD and anxiety constantly activated from the stress.
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I was going to cover their names but decided not to. About a month ago, I decided I would no longer shield those who are abusive to me.

​This is the attitude towards someone in distress because of their identity politics (neurodiversity, gender ideology). They have labelled me ableist and transphobic to try to justify their abuse. These accounts project onto vulnerable people and have been very stigmatising about my mental health struggles.

I don't tell anyone most of the time I am in distress. I fight it alone because of shitty attitudes like this. This is a disgusting way to treat a vulnerable person. I have many other screenshots of the abuse. 

Exposed the abuse

May 2023 update: I did advocacy for a while longer, despite being burnt out with it. It took courage to process and speak out against the cyberbullying that has gone on from years, with the worst of it in 2021. My last blog post for this blog as I turned my back on advocacy, has some of the screenshots from the 2021 cyberbullying, including more about the gaslighting and further abuse when these bullies found out I was suicidal. Turned out there were over 2,000 screenshots of abuse from the double pile-on event, over toxic identity politics. 

I have learned to hide my pain and distress. The reason I do so is because I am targeted for more bullying if I dare show vulnerability. These extremists preaching inclusivity behave like vultures.

bullying kills

The screenshot below is from my medical records from that time.  Bullying kills. ​

I recorded a video a while back about reasons for suicide. Based on how I had felt when I had severe suicidal ideation. The bullying has been detrimental for my health. I don't want pity. I never accepted donations for the years I volunteered my time and energy advocating for the vulnerable, as a vulnerable person. I will be leaving hundreds of videos I made up on Bipolar Courage on You Tube as a resource.
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reasons for suicide