 I have been the target of a very aggressive cyberbullying campaign that has gone on for over two years, escalating recently when I called out some of the behaviour. It is all over identity politics. These are only a few screenshots of accounts on Twitter who lied about me and harrassed me and called me the abuser, when they were abusing.
When my account was locked, I admitted to my followers that I had severe suicidal ideation (frequent with bipolar and PTSD). This was leaked and mocked by the accounts who were harrassing me.
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After getting my AncestryDNA results, which I found to be interesting, I downloaded the raw DNA data and uploaded anonymously to two sites that compared my DNA with scientific research studies. The information is deleted soon after (takes a lot of server space) and no extra information is collected about me to compare with the results (so they couldn't do anything with them anyway really).
I wouldn't recommend looking at this if you don't want to find out any medical conditions you might be more at risk for. I was curious, so I looked. There were traits including personality and appearance, biochemistry and medical conditions. Raw data can be uploaded from AncestryDNA or 23andMe. Take care with privacy concerns and if you have or want medical or life insurance that might be interested in pre-existing conditions. We are in lockdown currently in New Zealand, so I have been busy researching online. I received my DNA results from AncestryDNA via their Australian site (as closer to New Zealand). I chose this service because I thought they might be more likely to state my percentage of Maori than 23andMe. I was also interested in this test because it goes back to more recent history (hundreds of years rather than tens of thousands of yeras) and takes into account maternal and paternal ancestry. Some tests are more ancient (vikings etc) and only give partial information. My mood was quite low with the lockdown, so I felt cheered up when the results arrived (something to do that was different).  I originally wrote this blog post in December 2018. Have since had 2 years of weekly therapy a trauma psychologist. Transferred this blog post as not renewing the domain name. A lot of my processing for post-traumatic stress disorder was self-directed. I often have elevated moods (hypomania, mania) when processing intense themes.
I published my novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice (about processing grief and trauma with bipolar disorder) in 2021. One reason it took so long (7 years) is that I needed recovery time as became elevated each time I worked on it and vice versa. I originally wrote this blog post in December 2018. Reposting here as I won't be renewing the domain name on the other blog. I published my first novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice in 2021.
It's now 8am. Alarm has gone off for me to take my morning meds. Usually I would crash back into a deep sleep. But currently I've been in hypomania and awake since 2am being productive with creative projects. I woke up early a few days ago and typed for 6 hours straight writing the first draft of the final chapter for my semiautobiographical novel, Pet Purpose. Usually I struggle to get out of bed before midday because of how bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and my medication affects me. I originally wrote this blog post on a blog I will not be renewing the domain name for, so transferring to here. I have had weekly therapy with a trauma psychologist for 2 years now. I published my first novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice in 2021.
Today I had a well overdue professional massage. Think it's been over a year since I had one last. If I could afford it, I'd have one every 1-2 weeks. There was a time when I would feel extremely anxious about any form of touch including kisses, hugs and sex. Or even someone standing too close to me. It still makes me feel anxious if there's any kind of conflict. I originally wrote this blog post in January 2019. Moved post to here as not renewing domain name for other blog. I am diagnosed bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder.
It's very hard for me to cope with workplaces. Many times over, I have become anxious about someone else to the point of panic and then left (avoidance). I have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder along with bipolar and PTSD. All these conditions affect my ability to keep a job. I originally wrote this blog post in January 2019 on another blog. Moved to here after deciding not to renew the domain name. I completed my first novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice in 2021, which took a long time as it involved weaving in meaningful coincidences.
This kind of thing happens to me frequently - meaningful coincidences aka synchronicities. I find them fascinating. But them my analytical mind starts wondering if I'm getting manic again because they happened A LOT when I was in a mania episode - think something or hear it in a song then something would happen at the EXACT same time that fit it. So then I believed I could see the future. It felt very spiritual. I originally wrote this blog post in January 2019. Moved to here after deciding not to renew the domain name. In 2021, I published my first novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice.  Pawn Queen by Xanthe Wyse I wrote this blog post in February 2019 on another blog. Moved some posts here after deciding not to renew the domain name. I had another solo art as therapy exhibition since plus published my first novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice.
Collected the rest of my 'art as therapy' paintings from the gallery (they were happy to keep them for a few months after the exhibition for some colour on the walls). It was my first (and maybe last?) solo art exhibition with a difference. It was to highlight bipolar disorder and art as a healing medium. Many people commented how colourful the paintings were. I'd even painted pain in bright colours. My paintings were symbolic abstracts and only I know what they all mean. |
Xanthe WyseXanthe finds creative expression including writing and painting to be therapeutic and helps her to manage her diagnoses of bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Archives
August 2021
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