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Lying to tell the truth - writing fictioN to Heal

15/7/2019

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Several times in my life, I have been told that I am 'too honest'. Lying makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. Over the past few years, I have been working on an semi-autobiographical fiction book called Pet Purpose. I see it as semi-autobiographical because it is telling my story in disguise.

Originally, when I chose the title around five years ago, I intended to write memoir about my bond with pets. But more of life happened and the story has evolved into a story of courage as a young girl suffers trauma and loss, is later diagnosed with bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and with her determination to survive, finally starts a healing journey many years later in adulthood.

The story loosely reflects my own journey, but I have changed the story-line to protect myself and others, even those who have hurt me. Changing names wasn't enough. I made the decision to write fiction, to 'lie to tell the truth', to help ease flashbacks of PTSD. So that I didn't have to remember it 'exactly' and keep re-traumatising myself. So that I minimise upsetting people. So people can't say 'that's not really what happened' (because they won't know what really happened) and minimise my message. So that I could have some distance while I still tell a personal story. So that I could express my truth in a creative way.
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Snowball by Xanthe Wyse

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Express to Process trauma

11/5/2019

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Over the past few years, I have been on a journey of processing trauma. Finally, I am seeing a trauma psychologist, and she agrees that I have been finding ways to process trauma on my own. 

I am a very sensitive person and I can feel very intense emotions. So intense that I would 'shut down' all the emotion and the trauma would be locked inside, still there - frozen and stuck. It has been a process like in waves, to get unstuck. Sometimes there would be intense waves of intense emotion, like I expressed in the scribble below today. Scribbling messy words helped discharge intense emotions like anger.
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Let that Shit Go!

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    Picture

    Xanthe Wyse

    I am no longer blogging or vlogging as a mental health and disability advocate. The politics of it is too toxic for me.

    I will blog occasionally about some of my interests (art, writing etc) beyond advocacy on my other blog at Soar Purpose. 

    See you there!

    No. 1 bad-ass.
    After all, my medical records say 'BAD1' for bipolar affective disorder type 1.

    Also diagnosed post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

    Clinically significant autism spectrum features since childhood (PDD-NOS).

    Creative. Like to paint and write. Self-published a few books based on personal experiences.
    ​
    Comments are welcome but no personal attacks nor attacks on others.

    Opinions and personal experiences are no substitute for independent professional advice.

    Image is fan art from when I was a bipolar warrior and a renegade fighter.

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