 Content warning: This blogpost has content that may be triggering.
Update: I have been doxxed and swatted this past week. Doxxing is releasing personal identifying information with malicious intent. Swatting is is criminal harrassment intimidation tactic of sending police to someone's home. I've committed no crimes and the constable even apologised that he had to make the call. I've been sitting on a cesspool of screenshots from mob cyberbullying I experienced by neurodiversity ideology extremists. in August and September 2021. It was the worst some said they had ever seen. Turned out I had way over 2,000 abusive screenshots from this time, which I have narrowed down to approximately 100. It was triggering to go through them. I decided, as I turn my back on advocacy (including mental health, autism spectrum, disability), that I will upload some of the screenshots here. I don't want to include this triggering content into the memoir I am working on. I risk fallout sharing this. Any drama that might happen as a result, I am not engaging with, going forward.
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Content warning: The content of this post may be triggering for some.  I have been the target of a very aggressive cyberbullying campaign that has gone on for over two years, escalating recently when I called out some of the behaviour. It is over identity politics. These are only a few screenshots of accounts on Twitter who lied about me and harrassed me and called me the abuser, when they were abusing. I was tagged labels such as 'bigot' and 'transphobic' for more bullies to attack.
When my account was locked, I admitted to my followers that I had severe suicidal ideation. I have experienced this many times. I am diagnosed bioplar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder - all activated with the recent cyberbulling campaign. My admission of suicidal ideation was leaked and mocked by accounts I had blocked who were lying and gossiping about me. What it boiled down to, is that accounts claiming to be 'actually autistic' were mad at me because I no longer call myself autistic. One of the reasons I don't, is because I don't want to be associated with the fraudtistics and bullies. [Update: I still won't call myself 'autistic', after a psychiatrist has since formally diagnosed me with pervasive developmental disorder - not otherwise specified, PDD-NOS, with clinically significant autism spectrum features since childhood (including mutism). PDD-NOS is still a current diagnosis in New Zealand.] I am a recovering perfectionist. A perfectionist is someone who puts unrealistically high standards on themselves with overly critical self-evaluations. Some may project that onto others as well. I got triggered by my own perfectionism while painting a bird - my second attempt at painting a bird (below). I'd invited constructive feedback by other hobby artists during the process but then I felt my normally low blood pressure rise, I felt angry inside and I felt 'done'. My frustrations came out in scribbling paint over the background and overdoing the highlights as per suggestions. I knew I had to stop.  Abundant by Xanthe Wyse My mood has been very low the past three weeks with depression. It seems to coincide with reducing then withdrawing one of my medications for bipolar disorder. One of the worst things about depression for me is the suicidal thoughts. Then not finding pleasure in anything - except chocolate - I self-medicate eating chocolate.  Rainstones by Xanthe Wyse |
Xanthe WyseI am no longer blogging or vlogging as a mental health and disability advocate. The politics of it is too toxic for me. Archives
May 2023
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