End on a high - hypomania
I started this blog with a blog post about depression, when I was feeling depressed. Recently, I've been in a hypomania episode and getting some things done for a change. Hypomania is elevated mood that isn't as intense as mania.
With the surge of energy, I made a resource on mania, using records in different formats to show aspects of what it's like. Decided to do this after going through some digital files and I found a mania video from 2017 that I didn't think I'd uploaded yet (but have now, as the final video for Bipolar Courage, even though it's a bit cringe, and an online friend said 'scary' to see me that disinhibited and the opposite of how I usually am).
One of the reasons I am critical of neurodiversity ideology is that I used to say the same kinds of things. It's even in the video. But things have become way more extreme since, with non-stop drama and mob cyberbullying. Anyway, I don't want to dwell on that, as I am leaving advocacy behind as I move over to greener pastures (my creative expression beyond advocacy).
My advocacy journey has been 15 years in total, which only in recent years I put under the banner of Bipolar Courage. I managed to do a bit of work on my memoir, Bipolar Courage, recently. I want to do the best job I can with it, hence taking my time.
My advocacy has spanned mental health, bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, trauma, autism spectrum and even immigration. I guess it was a bit of a highlight having some of the immigration advocacy work I have done recognised by world leaders from two countries. Not by name personally but by name of advocacy group I founded and am no longer a part of. I have never accepted donations for my advocacy. I think there can be a conflict in interest when advocates do.
I was intending to just make a blog post with a cut and paste from a resource I prepared about perspectives of bipolar mania. But now I've gone off on a tangent with this blog post introduction being longer than I intended.
Going off on tangents is classic bipolar. Often confused with ADHD.
The more elevated the mood, the more frequent the tangents and the faster the thoughts. It can result in an increase in anxiety.
The issue when I write, that I have to try and focus it but it can still be helpful to get it out. Although generally, I find painting to be more relaxing than writing as painting is meditative for me, usually. Stimulating and relaxing at the same time (as long as I am not trying to make something perfect).
Anyway, it might be best to start a new post for the cut and paste from the mania resource I prepared. So instead, I will finish off this blog post with a list of some indicators of bipolar hypomania vs mania, for me. These may or may not be similar for other people with bipolar disorder and there can be overlap. Mine are influenced by my PTSD (yes still have it despite treatment) and autism spectrum features.
between hypomania and mania
This video some colourful true storytelling. Upper end of hypermania for me, when people can still understand me (even though talking faster). Less of a filter and entertaining. Also wearing a dress (don't often wear a dress). Seeing symbolism in everything, which is what I use for my creative process. Most of the videos on my vlog show aspects of my diagnoses, despite treatment.
Mood between hypomania and mania
I have done a lot of trauma processing in elevated moods. This is my most prepared video on the vlog, as I had only one take of filming it. I decided to destroy my qualifications, as they had my old name on them (don't worry, I still have the academic transcripts).
Video was a mixture of trying to be prepared (with a brain that was struggling to be organised), yet is still improvised in the end. Can see the 'high' on music. It's actually creative storytelling. Felt intense for me.
Brain is tired
My brain is tired now and my meds are kicking in, so guess I didn't get to type up that copy and paste about the resource. I will make a note, that hopefully I will remember to look at, and try tomorrow. Sleep is my priority now.
on fire again
Day after starting this blog post: Added a few more things to the list plus some links to vidoes etc after a sleep (helped by meds adjustment). List was completely off the top of my head, based on my own experiences. Made the graphic 'I am the drama' today. Mood is between hypomania and mania. Still haven't showered or dressed yet (mid-afternoon), as I have been in another surge of hyperfocus.
I have significant disability that I deal with all the time but I feel I have harped on about it enough for now. Been trying to get to work but I am not sure if it's going to happen today. Put some easy cook food in the toaster oven (gluten-free chicken nuggets and chips) with a timer in case I forget. Will go have a shower now. Note, this blog post was added to, out of order.
Free bipolar mania resource
Free downloadable mania perspectives resource. The resource has extracts in different formats from a mania episode (when I was off meds, in denial). Speaking on video, writing, handwriting, journal extracts, what the psychiatrist wrote in my medical records.
After a but of self-care time (still need a lot more), I copied and pasted the mania perspectives resource into a blog post, so it's flowable (as EPUB files with images do strange things for me).
I have done this for educational purposes. I have refused offers of donations. Any of my public material (blog, vlog) may be used for educational purposes (please don't copy my work or charge people what I have provided for no charge). Can use any link from my website, blog, vlog with credit (Xanthe Wyse, Bipolar Courage).
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I am no longer blogging or vlogging as a mental health and disability advocate. The politics of it is too toxic for me.