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I recently published a memoir, Bipolar Cringe, about the hypersexuality of bipolar mania with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Written, at the time, before I was diagnosed correctly. Left raw and minimally edited.
For the past few years, I have been subjected to targeted harassment because I no longer identify as autistic. When I wrote the memoir, I identified as Aspie/Aspergers and autistic. Social justice warriors on Twitter took offence over their identify politics and targeted my book with malicious reviews. This was part of a massive mob cyberbullying attack by strangers. The following screenshots are only a small sample of the abuse. This was one of the many insults, when I supported an autistic woman with different political views to the mob: 
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Dogpiling is a form of cyberbullying, when a large number of accounts target one post or person. This can happen very easily on Twitter. It has happened to me many times, escalating because I decided to navigate back through the abusive crap to see where the sources of it were from. Usually, I would recommend on Twitter to lock up an account temporarily until the abusive accounts move on like a swarm of locusts. The image below has some of the names I was called by strangers because I didn't share the same identity politics. I screenshot and blocked an estimated 100 accounts in a short time (days). I am sitting on a cesspool of over 1000 screenshots related to the recent abuse, which has actually gone on for a few years.   I have been the target of a very aggressive cyberbullying campaign that has gone on for over two years, escalating recently when I called out some of the behaviour. It is all over identity politics. These are only a few screenshots of accounts on Twitter who lied about me and harrassed me and called me the abuser, when they were abusing.
When my account was locked, I admitted to my followers that I had severe suicidal ideation. I experience this frequently. I am diagnosed bioplar 1 disorder, post-trauamatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder - all activated with the recent cyberbulling campaign. My admission of suicidal ideation was leaked and mocked by accounts I had blocked who were lying and gossiping about me. After getting my AncestryDNA results, which I found to be interesting, I downloaded the raw DNA data and uploaded anonymously to two sites that compared my DNA with scientific research studies. The information is deleted soon after (takes a lot of server space) and no extra information is collected about me to compare with the results (so they couldn't do anything with them anyway really).
I wouldn't recommend looking at this if you don't want to find out any medical conditions you might be more at risk for. I was curious, so I looked. There were traits including personality and appearance, biochemistry and medical conditions. Raw data can be uploaded from AncestryDNA or 23andMe. Take care with privacy concerns and if you have or want medical or life insurance that might be interested in pre-existing conditions. We are in lockdown currently in New Zealand, so I have been busy researching online. I received my DNA results from AncestryDNA via their Australian site (as closer to New Zealand). I chose this service because I thought they might be more likely to state my percentage of Maori than 23andMe. I was also interested in this test because it goes back to more recent history (hundreds of years rather than tens of thousands of yeras) and takes into account maternal and paternal ancestry. Some tests are more ancient (vikings etc) and only give partial information. My mood was quite low with the lockdown, so I felt cheered up when the results arrived (something to do that was different).  I originally wrote this blog post in December 2018. Have since had 2 years of weekly therapy a trauma psychologist. Transferred this blog post as not renewing the domain name. A lot of my processing for post-traumatic stress disorder was self-directed. I often have elevated moods (hypomania, mania) when processing intense themes.
I published my novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice (about processing grief and trauma with bipolar disorder) in 2021. One reason it took so long (7 years) is that I needed recovery time as became elevated each time I worked on it and vice versa. I originally wrote this blog post in December 2018. Reposting here as I won't be renewing the domain name on the other blog. I published my first novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice in 2021.
It's now 8am. Alarm has gone off for me to take my morning meds. Usually I would crash back into a deep sleep. But currently I've been in hypomania and awake since 2am being productive with creative projects. I woke up early a few days ago and typed for 6 hours straight writing the first draft of the final chapter for my semiautobiographical novel, Pet Purpose. Usually I struggle to get out of bed before midday because of how bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and my medication affects me. I originally wrote this blog post on a blog I will not be renewing the domain name for, so transferring to here. I have had weekly therapy with a trauma psychologist for 2 years now. I published my first novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice in 2021.
Today I had a well overdue professional massage. Think it's been over a year since I had one last. If I could afford it, I'd have one every 1-2 weeks. There was a time when I would feel extremely anxious about any form of touch including kisses, hugs and sex. Or even someone standing too close to me. It still makes me feel anxious if there's any kind of conflict. I originally wrote this blog post in January 2019. Moved post to here as not renewing domain name for other blog. I am diagnosed bipolar 1 disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), social anxiety disorder.
It's very hard for me to cope with workplaces. Many times over, I have become anxious about someone else to the point of panic and then left (avoidance). I have been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder along with bipolar and PTSD. All these conditions affect my ability to keep a job. I originally wrote this blog post in January 2019 on another blog. Moved to here after deciding not to renew the domain name. I completed my first novel, Pet Purpose: Your Unspoken Voice in 2021, which took a long time as it involved weaving in meaningful coincidences.
This kind of thing happens to me frequently - meaningful coincidences aka synchronicities. I find them fascinating. But them my analytical mind starts wondering if I'm getting manic again because they happened A LOT when I was in a mania episode - think something or hear it in a song then something would happen at the EXACT same time that fit it. So then I believed I could see the future. It felt very spiritual. |
Xanthe WyseXanthe finds creative expression including writing and painting to be therapeutic and helps her to manage her diagnoses of bipolar disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Archives
February 2022
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