What is Bipolar Mania with trauma Like?

Today I burned 15 journals I'd filled during a bipolar mania episode nearly two years ago. I flicked through them and condensed the essence of the journals into one page of some of what mania with trauma was like. I have been diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and they amplify each other. I was back on medications but it took MONTHS to try to get the mania under control. I've summarised some of what it was like below, based on skim-reading the journals before I burned them:

Crashing by Xanthe Wyse

• very messy, barely legible, big writing, usually in bright colours like felt-tip pens or a bright pink vivid marker
• chaotic, unable to organise (other than numerous mind-maps)
• felt vulnerable with not being able to function
• saw symbolism in everything - colours, numbers, names, words, dates, songs, pets
• lots of anxiety - hospitalised for it
• flooded with traumatic memories (deaths etc)
• patterns and associations - mind maps was the most efficient way to get it out with my mind racing
• mind racing too fast to write legibly, hence the very messy handwriting
• felt very spiritual at times, even superstitious
• lots of colour - vibrant, supersaturated colour in my thinking and in expression in art and writing
• wrote that I want to 'break free' and 'let go' (of pain and trauma)
• at times body parts would ache - eg when 'crashing' or in a 'mixed episode' (aspects of mania and depression at the same time)
• belief that I could see the future because of all the patterns that seemed like more than a coincidence
• high sexual energy when manic, low when depressed
• very high frantic energy - wrote that it was like 12,000 Volts in a fast scribble
• brain racing very fast like music played extra fast
• big 'dreams' and grandiose thinking - going to be a successful author etc
• felt 'alive' with intense emotions
• medications at first made me alternate between mania and crashing into depression
• craved and indulged in ice-cream when crashing - felt like my brain was burning up
• felt extremely creative yet too disorganised to execute it - too many ideas to carry out
• inspiration for some of my abstract, symbolic artworks (that only I know the meaning of)
• at times angry - tended to scribble anger in red pen
• felt inspired and purposeful
• music feels intense, beautiful, spiritual and inspiring
  
• on some combinations of medications, felt like 'go-go-go' like an Energiser Bunny
• side effects from medications - sedated, drowsy, 'drunk', 'stoned', crying, aching
• trauma memories a recurring theme - trying to process
• flight of ideas - I understood it but no-one else would have been able to make out what I was writing about - felt a bit like I was writing in 'code'
• would have looked like complete nonsense to others, but I kept the journals for a while to 'analyse' my thinking and make sense of the trauma - has been part of my processing
• numerous metaphors. Some of which I want to paint (fire, rose, sea, waterfalls)
• extreme need to write, draw and paint excessively - to 'download' some of what was racing through my mind. Painting helped calm my mind in the chaos - 'Crashing' was one of the paintings I did during this time.